Funny Jokes
A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, 'How much?'
Hooker replies, 'It starts at $500 for a hand-job.'
Guy says, '$500 dollars! For a hand-job? No hand-job is worth that kind of money!'
The hooker says, 'Do you see that Denny's on the corner?'
'Yes.'
'Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?'
'Yes.'
'And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?'
'Yes.'
'Well,' says the hooker, smiling invitingly, 'I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500.'
Guy says, 'What the hell? I'll give it a try.'
They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he more...1comments (0)It's 8:00 AM at a gambling casino. There are two guys waiting at the dice table for additional competition. A very attractive lady comes in and wants to bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. The other two agree.
She says, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm not wearing underwear.' With that she strips naked from the waste down. She then rolls the dice while yelling, 'Momma needs a new pair of pants! YES! I WIN!'
With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves. The other two just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks, 'What did she roll anyway?'
The other answers, 'I don't know. I thought you were watching the dice!'0comments (0)A businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home.
So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his driver's license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.
The cabbie said, 'If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the
hell out of my cab!' So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big.
Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well, who should he see more...0comments (0)The best high-priced call girl in the city
Hot 8 years agoA guy went to Las Vegas, and won big, really big, in one of the casinos.
When you win big in Vegas the casino will give you free things, like meals, show tickets, or rooms, this is all designed to keep you there so that you will lose what money you have won.
After winning fifty thousand dollars at the crap table, the casino decided to give the guy a night in the penthouse suite.
The guy went up to the room, opened the big double doors, and stepped into a three room suite.
The room is on a corner of the hotel and two walls are nothing but windows, with a fantastic view of the city. There's a wet bar in one corner, with a big screen T.V.
The guy dropped his bag of money in a chair and stood looking out the windows at the city.
He realized he was all alone and needed someone to share his good fortune.
He called the front desk and told the clerk to send up one of the best, high-priced call girls in the city.
Thirty minutes later there was a knock on the more...2comments (0)Vegas Facts - Cool facts about Las Vegas
Hot 8 years agoLas Vegas means 'the meadows' in Spanish.
In Nevada, there are more than 209,000 slot machines normally operating 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
The first neon sign appeared in Las Vegas in 1954 at the Boulder Club.
The bell is the oldest symbol still used on today's slot machines.
The average annual temperature in Las Vegas is 66 degrees.
It would take 288 years for one person to spend one night in every hotel room in Las Vegas.
Shrimp consumption in Las Vegas is more than 60,000 pounds a day. That's higher than the rest of the country combined and adds up to 22 million pounds per year.
The Stardust was the first hotel in Vegas to add a sports book to its casino.
Nickel slots on the Strip pay back anywhere from 86.9 percent to 92.8 percent of what they take in.
Las Vegas casinos never use dice with rounded corners.
It's estimated that every day Las Vegas casinos more...2comments (0)- Add a Useful Link
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Funny Jokes
A chap had a very painful elbow. He went to see his own
doctor, who told him to rest it: no treatment was required, it
was just tennis elbow.
Rather dissatisfied, he decided to go to a new computer-based
medical service that had just opened up. He went inside the
building and found the terminal, but there were no people in
sight. The instructions told him to slide his credit card
through the slot, and that $150 would be debited. When he had
done this, he was asked screen after screen of questions about
himself, until eventually a specimen bottle appeared. The
instructions on the screen said, 'Produce urine specimen and
pour into slot on left,' so he did. A few seconds later, the
screen read:
Diagnosis: Tennis elbow
Treatment: Rest
Well, he wasn't happy. $150 wasted just to be told the same
thing again. He thinks, 'I'm going to confuse the hell out of
that smug machine.' He went home, took a bottle more...0comments (0)Vegas Facts - Cool facts about Las Vegas
Hot 8 years agoLas Vegas means 'the meadows' in Spanish.
In Nevada, there are more than 209,000 slot machines normally operating 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
The first neon sign appeared in Las Vegas in 1954 at the Boulder Club.
The bell is the oldest symbol still used on today's slot machines.
The average annual temperature in Las Vegas is 66 degrees.
It would take 288 years for one person to spend one night in every hotel room in Las Vegas.
Shrimp consumption in Las Vegas is more than 60,000 pounds a day. That's higher than the rest of the country combined and adds up to 22 million pounds per year.
The Stardust was the first hotel in Vegas to add a sports book to its casino.
Nickel slots on the Strip pay back anywhere from 86.9 percent to 92.8 percent of what they take in.
Las Vegas casinos never use dice with rounded corners.
It's estimated that every day Las Vegas casinos more...2comments (0)My computer is so old, it has a VHS slot instead of a CD/DVD slot!!!
0comments (0)Things You Don't Want to Hear When Regaining Consciousness
'Let me ask your opinion, nurse...'
'Has anyone ever seen one of THESE?'
'What do you mean, 'It's upside down'?'
'This is what happens when cousins marry.'
'You think we can sew it back on?'
'Is that SUPPOSED to be yellow?'
'What does the AMA know; I still think I can do it.'
'Wow. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten so drunk last night.'
'Does Tab A go into Slot C or Slot F?'
'They never let us practice on REAL people in Med school.'
'Don't worry, he'll never know; he's out.'0comments (0)Having her hair done at a West Hempstead beauty parlor, a woman told a cautionary tale about racial prejudice. The story deserves a wider audience.
On a recent weekend in Atlantic City the woman related, she won a bucketful of quarters at a slot machine. She took a break from the slot for dinner with her husband in the hotel dining room. But first she would stash the quarters in her room. 'I'll be right back and we'll go to eat,' she told her husband and she carried the coin-laden bucket to the elevator bank.
As she was about to walk into an elevator she noticed two men already aboard. Both were black. One of them was big. Very big. An intimidating figure. The woman froze. Her first thought was: These two are going to rob me. Her next thought was: Don't be a bigot, they look like perfectly nice gentlemen, even if one of them is awfully black. But racial stereotypes are powerful, and fear immobilized her. She stood and stared at the two men. She felt more...0comments (0)- Add a Useful Link
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Dirty Slot Machine by AnonymGive it a rest by Anonym
Take a read of the jokes below, and you'll see! Best Gambling Jokes and Poker Puns. Tim was down on his luck in Vegas. He had gambled all his money and had to borrow a dime from someone else just to use the men’s toilet. The door happened to be open, so he used that dime on a slot machine and managed to hit the jackpot. The Blonde and the Winning Slot Machine Joke The Blonde and the Winning Slot Machine Joke Two blonde friends, Jenny and Jane, went together to play the slot machines at the casino. The blondes agreed that when their allotted gambling money was gone, she would go sit on the beach and wait for the other to finish gambling. Occurred on March 27, 2020 / Risca, Wales, UK 'We are a Hungarian family living in Wales. This video was made in quarantine Time at our house while coronavir.
Funny Slot Machine Jokes To Play
- The topics for this week’s puns and one liners is gambling jokes. I should add that I’m not much of a gambler; the biggest wagers I seem to make are playing 2p machines at seaside resorts, so I am far from an expert in the topic.
- Slot Machines In Vegas, a blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. Funny Jokes; Morals; Musician Jokes; One-Liners; Pickup.